Still Looking Out For Number One


Now that you’ve gone away for five days,

I’ll smoke all the cigarettes I want,

where I want.  Make biscuits and eat them

with jam and fat bacon.  Loaf. Indulge

myself.  Walk on the beach if I feel

like it.  And I feel like it, alone and

thinking about you when I was young.  The people

then who loved me beyond reason.

And how I loved them above all others.

Except one.  I’m saying I’ll do everything

I want here while you’re away!

But there is one thing I wont do.

I won’t sleep in our bed without you.

No. It does not please me to do so.

I’ll sleep where I damn well feel like it –

where I sleep best when you’re away

and I can’t hold you the way I do.

On the broken sofa in my study.


Raymond Carver




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